Much of what we believe has never been contested by ourselves. Are you a Muslim or a Jew? A Lutheran or a Baptist? A Democrat or Republican? A Liberal or a Conservative?

One of the first experiences we have with belief in Western Culture is the current tradition around Christmas and Santa Claus. Until we are about eight years old, we are convinced of the myth of the fat man coming down the chimney and we’re satisfied with the explanation of the front door if we happen to not have a chimney. For some, the news that there is no Santa is heartbreaking! The story is so real to us at that age, that losing it is like a small death. Unless there is something to fill that void, we can feel broken and lost.

Other beliefs that we are taught at that age and beyond, however, are often presented as truths. If our caretakers have not challenged the beliefs they have carried throughout their lives, they are past down to us without question, and we too believe them, just like Santa Claus.

It is because these believes are so embedded in our psyche that when someone is different from us or challenges us we become defensive. If we examine them ourselves though, the outcome can be very different.

And this extends beyond our religion and political persuasions. Our racial prejudices, our beliefs about money and work, about gender roles, food, sex and a host of other things are installed in us by others and then set on autopilot. This even includes our beliefs about our own capabilities and our intelligence!

By now you may be wondering what this has to do with depression. Here is the connection.

Our core beliefs set up our expectations about how the world is supposed to operate. If we have not examined and challenged our beliefs, then they will be rigid and unyielding to the differences around us. Anything that does not fit within our system of beliefs then seems “wrong” and that is threatening to our very survival. Like the loss of Santa Claus, every belief we lose hurts us and we will resist them without rationality. Sometimes we’re not given a choice in accepting our beliefs. Our culture demands their acceptance and in some areas of the world, enforces them with the real threat of death. This is why wars are fought.

Remember, we feel good about ourselves to the extend to which we feel can control our circumstances. If we can create circumstances that allow for a wide variety of possibilities, we are less likely to feel threatened not only by things we know to be different, but even by new circumstances and events that show up in our lives.

There are two ways to accomplish this and both are necessary. The first is to question our own core beliefs and test them for truth. Ask yourself if what you believe is absolutely true and if there could be other possibilities. Ask yourself how it is you came to believe that particular thing. Was it a deliberate choice after a careful examination of alternatives? Chances are slim because that takes time. Adopting the beliefs of others is efficient and if they serve us well, then we have little reason to challenge them.  But if you find you have a lot of disappointment in the world around you, and you think it should be different, that is the place to start.

The other step that is necessary is to examine other’s beliefs and allow for and accept them. Just as you absorbed your beliefs from your peers and caretakers, so did they, and until they reach a place where they can awaken and examine them, they will rigidly hold on to them and you will appear different, and in some cases, intolerable to them. So the bottom line is this, and if you remember nothing else from tonight, remember this. Perception controls behavior. Perception controls behavior. And what you perceive is filtered through your system of beliefs. Change your beliefs, change your filters and therefore your perception, and your behavior changes.