Another way to get the chemical goodies flowing is through regular exercise. You don’t need to run a marathon, but to benefit you will want to get your heart rate up to 60 to 70% of its maximum. Your maximum heart is easiest to determine by taking the number 220 and subtracting your age. Exercise at this level of intensity two to five times a week and you will experience better mood and better overall health. Be sure the exercise you engage in is enjoyable to you and that you are undeterred by weather. It’s good to vary the activity over time to keep from getting bored.
Exercise and Depression
May 28th, 2009Physiology and Behavior
May 27th, 2009A friend of mine who was raised in an Italian Catholic family told me a story about being depressed when he was growing up. Whenever his mother saw him moping around, she tell him to get up, make the sign of the cross, and do something! Sage advice and as far as I know, she never recorded a self-help CD. But what she offered is fundamental to a lot of we know about depression today.
There are several reasons for this, let’s look at a couple. We now know that emotions affect not only the brain, but every cell of the body. This comes from the Unified Theory of the Nervous System. But there is a chicken and egg question here. We know that our brain releases certain chemicals in response to stimuli in the environment. Just which chemicals and what dose depends on – our perception! You see the circle here. When those chemicals are released into the bloodstream, we have not only an emotional response, but a physiological response. We know what that feels like when we see the flashing lights in our mirror. Yet if I measured the chemical response from everyone in this room to that particular stimulus, I would get a unique measurement with each person. That physiological response is not only measurable by the chemicals in your bloodstream, it is perceptible by an outside observer!
You get embarrassed, your face flushes. You fall in love, you smile more. You get depressed and what happens? Your body droops, your muscles relax and allow your skeleton to collapse. Your facial muscles assume the shape of a frown. Your every movement slows down and you lose strength as well as speed. Your ability to respond quickly to events around you decreases.
Is it possible to create those same chemicals by assuming the body posture of depression? Absolutely! It is because your cells have memory for every one of our emotions and usually we let our brains lead our bodies, but if we are conscious, our bodies can lead our brains.
Paradigms and Depression
May 23rd, 2009Here is something from the book The Shack that expresses very well what I tell my clients about the role of their beliefs in depression…
Here is something that will help you sort this out in your mind. Paradigms power perception and perceptions power emotions. Most emotions are responses to perception – what you think is true about a given situation. If your perception is false, then your emotional response will be false too. So check your perceptions and beyond that check the truthfulness of your paradigms – what you believe. Just because you believe something firmly doesn’t make it true. Be willing to reexamine what you believe. The more you live in the truth, the more your emotions will help you see clearly.
Philosophy, Beliefs and Depression
May 18th, 2009Much of what we believe has never been contested by ourselves. Are you a Muslim or a Jew? A Lutheran or a Baptist? A Democrat or Republican? A Liberal or a Conservative?
One of the first experiences we have with belief in Western Culture is the current tradition around Christmas and Santa Claus. Until we are about eight years old, we are convinced of the myth of the fat man coming down the chimney and we’re satisfied with the explanation of the front door if we happen to not have a chimney. For some, the news that there is no Santa is heartbreaking! The story is so real to us at that age, that losing it is like a small death. Unless there is something to fill that void, we can feel broken and lost.
Other beliefs that we are taught at that age and beyond, however, are often presented as truths. If our caretakers have not challenged the beliefs they have carried throughout their lives, they are past down to us without question, and we too believe them, just like Santa Claus.
It is because these believes are so embedded in our psyche that when someone is different from us or challenges us we become defensive. If we examine them ourselves though, the outcome can be very different.
And this extends beyond our religion and political persuasions. Our racial prejudices, our beliefs about money and work, about gender roles, food, sex and a host of other things are installed in us by others and then set on autopilot. This even includes our beliefs about our own capabilities and our intelligence!
By now you may be wondering what this has to do with depression. Here is the connection.
Our core beliefs set up our expectations about how the world is supposed to operate. If we have not examined and challenged our beliefs, then they will be rigid and unyielding to the differences around us. Anything that does not fit within our system of beliefs then seems “wrong” and that is threatening to our very survival. Like the loss of Santa Claus, every belief we lose hurts us and we will resist them without rationality. Sometimes we’re not given a choice in accepting our beliefs. Our culture demands their acceptance and in some areas of the world, enforces them with the real threat of death. This is why wars are fought.
Remember, we feel good about ourselves to the extend to which we feel can control our circumstances. If we can create circumstances that allow for a wide variety of possibilities, we are less likely to feel threatened not only by things we know to be different, but even by new circumstances and events that show up in our lives.
There are two ways to accomplish this and both are necessary. The first is to question our own core beliefs and test them for truth. Ask yourself if what you believe is absolutely true and if there could be other possibilities. Ask yourself how it is you came to believe that particular thing. Was it a deliberate choice after a careful examination of alternatives? Chances are slim because that takes time. Adopting the beliefs of others is efficient and if they serve us well, then we have little reason to challenge them. But if you find you have a lot of disappointment in the world around you, and you think it should be different, that is the place to start.
The other step that is necessary is to examine other’s beliefs and allow for and accept them. Just as you absorbed your beliefs from your peers and caretakers, so did they, and until they reach a place where they can awaken and examine them, they will rigidly hold on to them and you will appear different, and in some cases, intolerable to them. So the bottom line is this, and if you remember nothing else from tonight, remember this. Perception controls behavior. Perception controls behavior. And what you perceive is filtered through your system of beliefs. Change your beliefs, change your filters and therefore your perception, and your behavior changes.
Language and Depression
May 15th, 2009The language you use with yourself and others strongly influences your beliefs and your beliefs influence your language. Which comes first depends on what you are conscious of.
Telling yourself that “you have to go to work” creates an entirely different biochemical reaction in the body and mind than “I can’t wait to go to work.” I realize that for most of us that may sound extreme, but what about just “I am going to work.” That states an undeniable fact that has less emotion to it than either of the prior statements.
These emotions often become aroused when we are asked to make a choice about something that either we really don’t want or have a prior commitment that interferes with the choice. Has someone ever asked you to an event and your response was “I can’t because I have to…” Double whammy! You are telling yourself (and the other person) that you have no control over your life. Worse yet, is knowing that you will not be going to or doing whatever it is you’re asked, you respond with an “I’ll try.” Ouch! Now you have just been dishonest. The person you told knows this. You know they know this and it eats at you until the event passes or you’re confronted with the choice again.
Here is the premise. You feel good about yourself to the degree to which you feel you have control over your time, activities and circumstances. I think the vast majority of the misery is related to the I-have-to-go-to-work syndrome. When in fact no one has to go to work. Just about everyone chooses to go to work because, to go back to Ellis, they prefer to have an income, and some other both tangible and intangible benefits that go along with working.
And this is true of every area of your life! The sooner you realize this, the sooner everything else will be fall into place, and you’ll begin making better choices for yourself. Some of you get this already, I know, but I’ll say it anyway. Everything you do is a choice you make, and yes that includes paying taxes. In your mind you may quickly evaluate the consequences of given alternatives and make a decision, but if you’re doing things you really don’t want to be doing, then it’s because you’re not driven from inside. Stop doing things to please other people, realize what you value is important, and make your choices based on that.
Here are some other words to be aware of and to reduce or eliminate:
- Must, I have to, I need to - removes choice
- Should – suggests a choice based on someone else’s values or values of your own that you do not fully embrace
- Always, Never – creates an impossible story
- Try – trying is not doing. It’s deceitful. You can do something or not do something and you will always get a result. “I tried to call you.” does not accurately describe a possible course of past action. You may have called and there was no answer, but you did call.
- Can’t – telling yourself you’re not able to do something is usually not true in most cases. Watch your use of this word and see if the truth is that you don’t have the skills, haven’t devoted the time, or have made an alternate choice.
- Wish – A wish is a desire for something you subconsciously believe cannot happen.
- Maybe – Be definitive. This is similar to I’ll try. If someone asks you to do something for which you really cannot decide, state the reasons and commit to get back with a definitely answer by a certain date. If you’re asked to lunch by a friend, instead of “Maybe, I’ll see,” respond with “I’ll check my calendar and get back to you on Monday with a definite answer.”
- I’ll be honest with you – this is used often, but it always raises the question in conversation. Have you not been honest up until now? Why are you only honest with me selectively?
Like Catching a Cold
May 14th, 2009I have no scientific evidence for what I am about to assert here, but I wonder how many of you will agree with me. There seem to have been times in my life when depression came on in the same way the common cold does. It was as though some microorganism got into my head and affected my mood. There was no external event to explain it, it just seemed to happen. It could it have been diet, a slight shift in sleeping patterns, a change in exercise patterns…I really don’t know. The tools I talk about here worked, but they were more difficult to access and use. I really had to make an effort to recall and use them. Sure enough, in a matter of days, the mood would pass and I’d be back to myself again.
These episodes were not serious and I doubt any of my friends even noticed. If anyone has experienced something similar, I’d love to see what you have to say.
What Are You Asking Yourself?
May 14th, 2009Another thing to look at when improving your thinking is to be aware of the questions you ask yourself when things don’t go your way. Notice anytime that a question you ask yourself begins with Why?
There are two important things to do here. Humans have a great deal of difficulty in accepting that some aspect of our experience cannot be explained. As children, this is endless as we seek explanations for the things around us. Why? is a child’s favorite question. When you find yourself asking this question with regard to an adverse event, put Martin Seligman’s findings from Learned Optimism to work for you.
Seek answers that are external – make it the fault of someone or something else outside your control. Make the explanation temporary and specific by seeing as pertaining to that single event. Then do what Tony Robbins suggests and change your focus by asking questions such as:
- What am I grateful for right now?
- What am I proud of?
- Who do I love? Who loves me?
And one last thought on thinking. Echart Tolle in his book The Power of Now offers an amazing technique to stop the mind in its tracks. It’s simply this. When your mind is racing along and you can’t seem to reel it in, just ask: “I wonder what my next thought will be?” So let’s do that. Take a deep breath, close your eyes and just say to yourself “I wonder what my next thought will be?”
Loving What Is
May 13th, 2009The fastest, most effective way to learn acceptance and therefore feel better about yourself is to do The Work by Byron Katie. You can find it online or buy her book Loving What Is What The Work does is have you focus on something that angers, frustrates, disappoint or confuses in someone else. It asks you to consider what changes they should make in your view, and what things you never want to experience from them again. Then it asks you four simple questions about each statement.
1. Is it true?
2. Can you absolutely know that it’s true?
3. How do you react, what happens, when you believe that thought?
Who would you be without the thought?
Finally, you turn the statements around on yourself and look for the truth in them. It’s a profound and rapid way to recognize and reduce projected detrimental beliefs.
More on Thinking and Depression
May 10th, 2009Albert Ellis is a pioneering therapist who developed Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy. In this model, people are easily distressed when adversity (A) interferes with their goals and they don’t get what they want or do get what they don’t want. They have a choice of reacting to A with healthy negative feelings, such as sorrow, regret and frustration, or reacting with unhealthy negative feelings such as panic, depression and rage. Largely, though not completely, they make this choice based on (B), heir belief system. When they choose rational or self-helping beliefs, they often react (C) with healthy feelings and actions; when they choose irrational or unhealthy beliefs, they are more likely to react with unhealthy feelings and actions.
The beliefs Ellis is talking about are those upon which we model our internal and external world. They are either rigid or flexible, and it’s the rigid beliefs that typically cause unhealthy reactions and feelings. And further more that the motivation behind those beliefs will impact how one reacts and feels.
There are three core areas of concern where our beliefs impact us the most.
1. I must achieve outstandingly well in one or more important respects or I am an inadequate person
2. Other people must treat me fairly and well or they are bad people
3. Conditions must be favorable or else my life is rotten and I can’t stand it
One of the first steps of REBT is to dispute those beliefs and soften them from demands to preferences. By doing so, you can experience healthier emotions, the Cs in the ABC model, when an adversity interferes with one of your goals. This is accomplished by recognizing the demands you place on yourself and then disputing them. So if you believe that must achieve outstandingly well, you challenge that belief. Is that true? What would happen if you didn’t? What is the worst that would happen if you didn’t? Then recognize that while it is preferable to perform well, it isn’t necessary.
The next step is what he calls Unconditional Self Acceptance, or USA. Here you recognize that you are not your behavior. To make yourself a bad person, it would mean that every single aspect of who you are, and have been, has been 100% bad since the beginning of your existence. Ridiculous when you think about it, isn’t it? Yet for many of us in our upbringing, we were admonished as “bad boy” or “bad girl” when we did something that didn’t please our parents. Once you recognize this in yourself, you then begin to practice Unconditional Other Acceptance, as you learn that just as you cannot not possible to be a “bad person”, nor can anyone else. Judgement begins to melt away and you become more peaceful, your blood pressure goes down, and your overall health improves.
Thinking and Depression
May 7th, 2009Martin Seligman is a psychologist who has done extensive work on learning and behavior. Specifically, he discovered through animal and human studies, that people can learn to become helpless. Through his work, he determined that the way people explain events to themselves and others, not only affects how they feel, it predicts how they will perform.
People who are optimistic tend to view bad events as temporary, specific and external. They tend to view good events as lasting, general and personal. Pessimists do just the opposite. They view bad events as permanent, global and personal and they view good events as temporary, specific and impersonal. When the ultimate pessimist and the ultimate optimist get together, the pessimist sees the optimist as an irresponsible jerk. What is the optimist’s view of the pessimist? He may not have any view at all because he is not influenced by the negativity of outside sources. If he does form an opinion, he’ll likely see the pessimist as an unmotivated loser.
This is important because extreme pessimism is an indicator for depression. Being aware of, and if necessary changing your explanatory style is an important factor in mental health. Of course it can go too far, and it is pessimism is sometimes necessary. If Captain Sullenberger thought he could get his airplane back to the airport instead of plunging it into the Hudson, the outcome would have been quite different.
Your explanatory style is something you have been practicing for years, and one the consequences of this is that over time you believe what you’re saying! This is the principal behind affirmations but with added horsepower. The things you tell yourself you also tell others, so there is constant reinforcement and an illusion of evidence to support what you’re saying. Notice I said illusion of evidence because in order to believe some of the things we say, we distort reality. It’s a matter of whether we distort it in our favor or not.
So if you’re telling yourself that “bad things always happen to you” then to believe that you must delete a whole lot of evidence to the contrary. Now this belief becomes more deeply rooted and your behavior as a result will create more bad events thereby creating more evidence. The only way out is to dispute these irrational thoughts and come up with evidence to support the opposite.
(You can use your new explanatory style to redefine your past. If you tend to ruminate on some past event or events, it’s likely that you’re telling yourself that it was your fault and that because of that, everything that cascaded from that event could have been prevented, “if only…” Hogwash! If those thoughts return, visit them with an inquisitive mind. Challenge their validity and find evidence to support the view that it was not your fault, that it was indeed the fault of something outside of you. Then look at it as an isolated event. It may appear that because of X, Y happened, but probably isn’t something you can prove – so why bother?)